Mother’s Day Special: Eating, Love and a Little Loss of Control
What is it like to raise a “little eater”? When children don’t eat properly, what exactly are mothers anxious about?
In this Mother’s Day special episode, we begin with “little eaters” and talk not only about picky eating, feeding and menu design, but also about intergenerational memory, women’s labour, intimate relationships and self-identity. Three mothers, from the childhood trauma of eating nothing but dumpling wrappers, to the moment of falling apart over a rice ball, to a teenager’s “binge-eating rebound”, together unpack the complex emotions behind the small matter of “eating”. Perhaps the problem has never been simply whether children eat, but how, in parenting, we learn to live with uncertainty, failure and expectation.
This is not just a history of improving cooking skills, but a deep conversation about the pressures of motherhood and women supporting one another. You’ll hear how mothers act as “anthropologists” in restaurants, doing fieldwork; how they find a way out of the anxiety brought on by social media and expert advice; and, most importantly, how, before looking after that “little eater”, they first feed themselves.
This/Episode’s/Guests
Xiaoyunsheng | Beijing Organic Farmers’ Market, mother of a 13-year-old, currently facing the sweet challenge of massive adolescent “extra meals”.
Lingyu | colleague at Foodthink, currently living in Singapore, mother of a two-year-old “carbohydrate maniac”, in the midst of serious parenting anxiety.
This/Episode’s/Hosts
Xiaojing | Food Talk host, mother of an 11-year-old and an 8-year-old, currently navigating their intermittent “little-eater” phase.
Timeline
01:26 On Mother’s Day, why are we talking about “little eaters”?
02:35 A child who ate nothing but dumpling wrappers unravels a memory and a scar that stretch back thirty years.
03:44 When a child is picky, is it stubbornness, or a sensitive gift for “good flavour”?
09:25 A Singapore dual-income parenting guide: when a failed “rice ball experiment” runs into an unbothered husband, a mother’s breakdown is a hair’s breadth away.
13:41 Will it get better when the child grows? No, it won’t! The sweet burden of a teenage boy eating “three dinners” every day.
19:14 Cooking is not just physical work; it is also a form of invisible emotional labour and expectation management.
22:52 How does “scientific feeding” create anxiety? The fear of being ruled by the growth chart: that hand scale for weighing food and the falling percentages.
34:06 Intergenerational transmission: why did my mum keep me out of the kitchen, yet hope I would pass on my cooking skills?
42:00 Mothers’ selfishness: when the children are not home, we can finally have a mouthful of spicy food.
51:53 Why do today’s tomatoes taste like rubber? How do industrialised ingredients affect children’s appetites?
62:09 The point of cooking may not be to get a child to eat just a little more, but to convey a sense of being loved.
63:45 Lu Xun also pinched a child’s pastry! Eat well yourself first, and only then can you be a good mum.
Because the child loves Hainanese chicken rice, and the takeaway is too oily and salty, the mother makes a lighter version of the chicken rice at home. Image source: Lingyu
The steamed buns failed. There was no choice but to “make use of the waste” by stir-frying the unleavened steamed buns; unexpectedly, they became one of the child’s favourites. Image source: Lingyu
This is what unleavened steamed buns actually look like. Image source: Lingyu
A showcase of assorted carbohydrates. Image source: Lingyu
Dad’s cooking showcase: tomato and egg beef rolls, so unpalatable that the whole family gave up eating. Image source: Lingyu
The growth chart falling from 50% to 30% became the source of my daily anxiety, until throwing away the weighing scale brought relief. Image source: Lingyu
From Xiaoyunsheng’s Moments, it’s hard not to sigh: I really want a mum like that. Image source: Xiaoyunsheng
A celebration of meals for the little ones. Image source: Xiaoyunsheng
From a make-do meal that Xiaoyunsheng made for herself on 8 May, two days before Mother’s Day: “The meat broth and rice were leftovers from yesterday, the tofu skin was left over from making cucumber rolls with dipping sauce that morning, and the lettuce was what was left after the child had eaten the crisp, tender inside—just two outer leaves, peeled off.” Image source: Xiaoyunsheng
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About the “She and the Land” column
This year is the United Nations’ “International Year of Women in Agriculture”, and Foodthink is launching the “She and the Land” column, focusing on women in agriculture and food systems. We will go to fields, markets, fishing ports, farms, kitchens, laboratories and city streets and lanes, to see the women who are often overlooked yet always present. They are involved in production, research, cooking, distribution and care, and, through their experience and wisdom in work, they underpin our daily lives. They are both cultivators of the land and important builders of rural communities and food systems. Through interviews, writing and workshops, we hope to tell their stories, understand how women’s participation shapes our food systems, and invite everyone to explore: for women who work in food and agriculture, how can a fairer and more dignified future come about?
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Unless otherwise noted, all images are provided by this episode’s guests.
Podcast music: Ba Nong
Planning and production: Xiaojing
Editor: Lingyu
Article layout: Minglin
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