Mother’s Day Special: On Eating, Love, and a Little Loss of Control
What is it like raising a “fussy eater”? When a child refuses to eat properly, what are mothers really anxious about?
In this Mother’s Day special, we start with the “fussy eater” and venture well beyond picky eating, feeding routines, and menu planning — into intergenerational memory, women’s labour, intimacy, and self-identity. Three mothers unpack the tangled emotions behind the small act of “eating”: from the childhood trauma of eating nothing but the dumpling wrapper, to a meltdown over a single rice ball, to a teenager’s “binge rebound”. Perhaps the question was never really about whether the child will eat — it is about how we, as mothers, learn to live with uncertainty, failure, and expectation.
This is not simply a story of honing your cooking skills — it is a deep conversation about the pressures of motherhood and the ways women support each other. You will hear how mums play “anthropologist” in restaurants, conducting ethnographic fieldwork; how they seek an escape from the anxiety fed by social media and expert advice; and, most importantly, how to feed yourself before taking care of the “fussy eater”.
G / u / e / s / t / s
Xiao Yunsheng | Beijing Organic Farmers’ Market. Mother of a 13-year-old, currently facing the sweet challenge of an adolescent’s enormous “extra meals”.
Ling Yu | A colleague at Foodthink, currently based in Singapore, mother of a 2-year-old “carb fiend” and deep in the throes of parenting anxiety.
H / o / s / t
Xiao Jing | Host of Food Talk, mother of two — a child aged 11 and another aged 8 — currently navigating both their “intermittent fussy-eater” phases.
T / i / m / e / l / i / n / e
01:26 Mother’s Day: why are we talking about fussy eaters?
02:35 A child who would only eat the dumpling wrapper — and the thirty years of memory and scars it uncovered.
03:44 Is a child’s fussiness just wilfulness, or a gift for sensing “good flavour”?
09:25 A dual-earner parenting field guide from Singapore: when a failed “rice-ball experiment” meets a blasé husband, a mum’s breakdown is a whisker away.
13:41 “They’ll grow out of it”? Not even close! The sweet burden of a teenager “eating dinner three times a day”.
19:14 Cooking is not just physical labour — it is invisible emotional labour and expectation management.
22:52 How does “scientific feeding” manufacture anxiety? Living at the mercy of the growth chart: the handheld scale weighing vegetables, and the percentage that fell.
34:06 Generational inheritance: why did my mother forbid me from the kitchen, yet expect me to keep her cooking alive?
42:00 A mum’s guilty secret: when the children are out, we can finally eat a meal with a little heat to it.
51:53 Why do tomatoes taste like rubber nowadays? How do industrially produced ingredients affect a child’s appetite?
62:09 Perhaps the meaning of cooking is not to get a child to take one more bite, but to pass on the feeling of being loved.
63:45 Even Lu Xun used to sneak his children’s pastries! Eat well yourself first, and only then can you be a good mother.
The children love Hainanese chicken rice, but buying it in is too oily and too salty, so Mum made a lighter version at home. Image: Ling Yu
Steamed bun fail. Resorted to “waste not, want not” and stir-fried the unrisen buns — a surprise hit with the children. Image: Ling Yu
The unrisen steamed bun, as it truly is. Image: Ling Yu
A grand tour of carbs in every shape and form. Image: Ling Yu
Dad’s culinary showcase: tomato, egg, and beef rolls — so bad the whole family surrendered their forks. Image: Ling Yu
The growth chart fell from the 50th percentile to the 30th, becoming the source of this mother’s daily anxiety — until she threw away the scale and found freedom. Image: Ling Yu
From Xiao Yunsheng’s WeChat Moments — you cannot help but sigh and wish you had a mother like this. Image: Xiao Yunsheng
A showcase of meals for the little ones. Image: Xiao Yunsheng
Xiao Yunsheng’s slapdash meal for herself on 8 May, two days before Mother’s Day. “The meat broth and rice are yesterday’s leftovers; the tofu skin is what remained from this morning’s cucumber rolls with dipping sauce; and the lettuce — the children ate the tender, crisp inner leaves, so I peeled off these two outer ones.” Image: Xiao Yunsheng
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About the “She and the Land” Column
This year, as the United Nations marks the International Year of Women Farmers, Foodthink has launched the “She and the Land” column, shining a light on women in agriculture and food systems. We will step into fields, markets, fishing ports, pastures, kitchens, laboratories and city streets, to see those women who are so often overlooked yet ever present — women who engage in production, research, cooking, distribution and care, sustaining our daily lives with the wisdom born of their labour and experience. They are both tillers of the soil and vital builders of the countryside and the food system. Through interviews, writing and workshops, we hope to tell their stories, to understand how women’s participation shapes our food system, and to invite you to explore with us: how can a more equitable, more dignified future come about for women who work the land and grow our food?
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Unless otherwise stated, all images are provided by this episode’s guests.
Podcast music: Ba Nong
Planning and Production: Xiao Jing
Editing: Ling Yu
Article Layout: Ming Lin
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